"Move, Bitch": Washington Emergency Vehicles to Get Ludacris Makeover

by ELI D'ALBORA
Published: March 25, 2018
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Courtesy of Petr Kratochvil via Public Domain Pictures

“It really made a lot of sense to me. I don’t know why we didn’t do it sooner,” said Washington Governor Jay Inslee, referring to the long awaited Ludacris Emergency Bill, which passed through the Senate last night. The bill, which is to come into effect just in time for World Party Day on April 3 of this year, will force all emergency vehicles in the Seattle area to forgo the overly shrill and obnoxious siren that bothers everyone. It will be replaced by "Move Bitch," the much more compelling and appropriate song by renowned rapper and actor, Ludacris.

“This should not only create a faster and smoother ride for emergency vehicles,” noted Senate majority leader Sharon Nelson, “but it will also make the city more lit, a quality Seattle is seriously fucking lacking.” Nelson went on to describe that Ludacris spits straight fire and "Move Bitch" is her go-to party anthem.

Opponents of the bill expressed concern that the new sirens would support entrenched notions of misogyny, but Governor Jay Inslee noted, “A bitch is a bitch. It’s not about the gender; it’s about who’s a bitch at their core.” Sharon Nelson then reminded the opposition that “if you don’t get out of the way of an emergency vehicle, you’re a bitch. Fair is fair.” The rest of the Senate reportedly nodded their heads in unison, some also bumping knuckles. Next on the docket for the State Senate is the vote to change the state’s anthem from "Washington, My Home" to Seattle native Sir Mix-A-Lot’s "Baby Got Back."