“Bezos’s Balls” Retract Into Ground During Cold Weather

by JULIAN O'LEARY
Published: February 23, 2019
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Created by Kevin Gladwell, Courtesy of Joe Mabel via Wikimedia Commons

SEATTLE — Amazon’s iconic glass spheres in South Lake Union have “shrunk" due to the drop in temperatures during February’s snowstorm. The balls retracted approximately 20 feet into the warmth of the ground when the storm started on Feb. 4th in order to maintain a reasonable temperature inside for plants and workers.

“We are the first building to incorporate this groundbreaking feature into our design. It really is quite revolutionary,” said a senior spokesperson for NBBJ, the architecture firm that designed the spheres. “One of our lead architects got the idea a few months before construction began when he was swimming in Lake Washington.”

Despite the impressive nature of this unprecedented technological advancement, many of the workers inside the spheres have expressed apprehension toward the shrinkage.

“I don’t want people to see us like this,” said one cloud management logistics system engineer in an interview with The Fishwrapper.

Another nearby engineer chimed in, disclosing, “ I understand that Mr. Bezos’s plants are extremely sensitive to temperature, but this is ridiculous. I can’t stand up straight in my office.”

“Bezos’s Balls” are expected to remain retracted to maintain temperature until the weather returns to approximately 50 degrees.