“Finally”: Local Woman Takes up the Art of Hypnosis to Receive Reasonable Medical Attention From Male Doctor

by CHARLOTTE HOUSTON
Published: April 7, 2018
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Created by Jeremy Voss, Courtesy of Dr. Nestorov

Seattle woman Mariah Kipps, frustrated with the inability of her doctors to recognize that she is actually suffering, has resorted to using hypnosis in order to receive the diagnosis for a chronic illness she actually has. Although she quit her job months earlier due to the debilitating pain she experiences, she was still consistently leaving the doctor’s office with a prescription for extra-strength ibuprofen.

“Every time I go in there, it’s like he’s forgotten the past ten times I’ve sat down and told him my litany of symptoms,” said Kipps. “Sometimes he tells me it’s just PMS, other times it’s my birth control — of which I’ve tried maybe ten different kinds, by the way. But every time, without fail, he asks me three separate times if I’m sure that I’m not pregnant.”

Learning the art of suggestion, she found, was “surprisingly easy.” Kipps said WikiHow was her most useful resource.“I started to research it during the hours I was waiting on the phone to get an appointment with a specialist,” she said. “In fact, that horrible elevator music that they play on the line while you’re waiting to get connected with customer service? Actually very useful in lulling someone into a hypnotic state.”

Armed with hypnosis, she was finally able to get her doctor to take her seriously, subsequently receiving the diagnosis that she deserved three years ago after one Google search.

“It felt good to be the one telling him to calm down for once,” she said smugly.

She now plans to use her new skill to convince medical researchers to fund more than just the three studies that were conducted in the ‘90s on exclusively female ailments such as dyspareunia and endometriosis. Her main hope, although she concedes that it will require much more hypnotic skill than she currently possesses, is to cut funding entirely for studies on erectile dysfunction, which number in the thousands. Kipps hopes to redirect these funds to “real fucking medical issues.”