9 Things You Can Do If Your TA Walks into the Bathroom While You’re Dropping A Deuce

Published: March 1, 2020
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  1. Cry loudly to cover up the plopping noises.

  2. Revisit the filing drawer inside of your head where all of the prayers are kept, try to recite one without sprinkling in too many “oh shit, how’d that go” interjections, and do your best to appeal to some god’s humanity.

  3. Strike up a conversation. Come to think of it, this is a really good time to ask about those points you shouldn’t have missed on your last midterm. It’s not like you’re ever actually going to office hours. Listen your adviser’s advice for once in your dumb life, and take advantage of your time.

  4. Take a very wide stance. They will respect you more.

  5. Try playing a little footsie. Instructors love playful confidence in and outside of the classroom.

  6. Do the usual: email them and explain the situation. Start your message with “I hope this email finds you well.” This should take at least 40 minutes, taking into account all the email-induced hand wringing. We only recommend this option if your diet is lacking fiber.

  7. Pick up your feet really fast so they can’t recognize your shoes or your identity!!

  8. Make a run for it. Clean up later.

  9. Write them a thoughtfully worded short essay about how bathrooms exist precisely so that people can conveniently pinch off a loaf, and make clear that the situation really shouldn’t be weird. Make sure your name is at the top of the page, and hand it in before flushing. Await your A.