Coca Cola Acquires Red Cross, Donates Ten Million Bottles of Coke Hero to Disaster Relief Efforts in Puerto Rico

by KAT KAVANAGH
Published: April 8, 2018
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Created by Kevin Gladwell, Courtesy of Pope Field

SAN JUAN—Coca Cola has acquired the American Red Cross Foundation for $9 billion. “We need to convince the American public that we are a corporation that cares, because we do,” said Deborah Jones, Head of Outreach. This purchase is another in a string of recent initiatives by the company to build positive consumer perceptions of its brand.

Accordingly, Coca Cola has begun to dabble in foreign aid as a part of its new corporate social responsibility strategy. The company recently unveiled its newest product: Coke Hero, a zero-calorie drink that simultaneously ensures brand loyalty, stimulates the corn syrup economy, and gives the people what they didn’t know they wanted. The product launch was first tested in the Puerto Rico market demographic, as recipients conveniently had no other choice. A poll conducted by market researchers concluded that Puerto Rico recipients were “happy” to “enjoy” a life-sustaining, happiness-inducing product during such harsh times. “An estimated third of Puerto Rico is thirsty,” said Jones. “We say, let them drink Coke! Really here, everyone wins.”