Commode Critiques

by EMILY VAUGHAN
Published: February 16, 2020
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Courtesy of Ruby Harlin

Suzzallo, Second Floor, Women’s Restroom

If the bathrooms in this building were contestants on The Bachelorette, I would give this one my final rose. Tucked away from the bustle of tourists that filter endlessly in and out of the Reading Room, this bathroom feels like a calm reprieve from the chaos of selfie sticks and seasonal depression that are so quintessentially Suzzallo.

The water is reasonably warm (truly a luxury), and the paper towels are consistently well stocked (fabulous). But, the winning feature of this commode is its configuration. The long corridor between the door and the toilets provides a healthy distance between the bathroom-user and passersby, effectively muffling the cacophony of loud/embarrassing/concerning percussion produced by the user. If your bathroom habits are anything like mine, you will love this characteristic.

My only conditional critique: the average bathroom patron might suggest that this bathroom could stand to be about 4 degrees warmer. But of course, the slightly chilly atmosphere also encourages bowel movement and minimizes sweating, so there are two sides to this coin. Two dimensions to this deuce, if you will.

IN SUMMARY:

Would poop here? Yes. I already have.

Would cry here? Yep. Have done this too.

Would recommend to a friend? Yes. Don’t get the idea that this means we’re friends, but if you were to approach me in a mad imminent-shit frenzy in Red Square and beg for my opinion on where you should go to take care of that business, I would send you towards this bathroom.