Female Professor with 30 Years of Experience in Her Field Realizes She Knows Nothing and Boy Student Knows Everything

by ELIZABETH BERNBAUM
Published: March 10, 2018
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Courtesy of Tobin Stanley via Flickr

U-DISTRICT, SEATTLE – Confirming that the sophomore has now referenced every new concept to which he’s been exposed in his first two weeks working in materials lab, sources report that local male peer Evan Peterson has confidently asked his female professor yet another question beginning with, “But have you considered . . . ” Sources cite that by all accounts, plans of thoroughly impressing all of the class and illustrating that he and the professor of 20 years are “intellectual equals when it comes to this stuff” were brought to life when Peterson loudly and authoritatively spoke his mind last Tuesday. Working in as many SAT prep words as he could recall in comfortable recline, Peterson showed that he’s special and knowledgeable.

Consequentially, the professor, who has spent her last 30 years studying, researching, and teaching in this field, realized that she was wrong about everything and never really “got it” until this bright young boy opened her eyes. Overcome with feminine emotions, sources on the ground disclose that the hysterical professor walked to the corner, pulled crocheting needles and yarn out of the closet, sat down, and crocheted the pain away while other bright young 19-year-olds heroically taught the remainder of the lecture with ease, respectfully speaking especially slowly for their female peers.