Kavanaugh Delivers Compelling Reasoning Supporting His Innocence: “I Don’t Try to Fuck Anyone in a One-Piece”

by ELIZABETH BERNBAUM
Published: October 5, 2018
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Created by Isabel Campisteguy, Courtesy of Jim Bourg via Reuters

In his sworn testimony during last Tuesday’s hearing, Kavanaugh offered persuasive evidence unequivocally proving his innocence. “Look,” reasoned Kavanaugh, “I couldn’t have sexually assaulted Ford that night. I don’t fuck girls in one-piece swimsuits. And she was wearing one. I mean, she says she was wearing one. You see? Her story just doesn’t hold up. If I was going to try to rape someone, it would be someone in a two-piece. She would have to look totally hot. I go for tens. You hear me? I’m innocent.”