New Evidence Suggests All of Shakespeare’s Plays Were Written by a Computer in 2004

by Ricky Spaulding
Published: March 11, 2018
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Detailed textual analysis of Shakespeare’s plays has indicated that they were all written by a computer program in 2004. This new discovery settles an authorship debate that has dominated scholarly discussions of these influential works of Early Modern drama for centuries. The software that penned such famous tales as "Hamlet," "Macbeth," and "Othello" is owned by W.W. Norton & Company, which uses it to generate filler for its English literature anthologies. New reports suggest the program also generated the complete works of literary heavyweights Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, and T.S. Eliot. In fact, the only English literature written by a human being is, surprisingly, the work of Shakespeare’s lesser-known contemporary Ben Jonson, whose plays are far fewer and far worse than those written by the computer.

Modern playwrights breathe a sigh of relief. Tony Kushner was recently quoted: “Thank god. I knew nobody could be that good. I mean are we supposed to believe one guy wrote all those plays without the help of a sophisticated software? Come on. We’re living in a digital age, and I’m glad our 400-year-old literature finally reflects that.” Lin-Manuel Miranda agrees, stating, “I’m finally comfortable admitting that "Hamilton" was pretty much the work of an online rhyming dictionary, the Wikipedia page ‘American Revolution,’ and Ron Chernow, who is a robot.”

The fully automated writing staff of The Fishwrapper echoes this sentiment.