New Tinder Update Features More Information About Your Matches, Exposes How Terrible Most Of Them Are

Published: December 1, 2018
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Created by Isabel Campisteguy, Courtesy of Moose Photo, Bruce Mars, and Neikverlaan

In response to user analytics and critical reviews on the App Store, the popular dating app Tinder released an update that allows its users to learn more about their potential partners before meeting them in person.

“Our user base is growing every day,” CEO Greg Blatt said. “We want all of our customers to feel safe and secure when they decide to meet their matches, which is why our team decided to add a section called ‘personality quirks’ on every member's profile.”

Before this update, profile descriptions were rather simple, containing pictures, a short bio, and, if the user chooses, a list of artists and songs they enjoy. But now, members have the opportunity to explore their match’s personality in more detail, such as a new feature that allows you to hear a sound recording of how they sneeze.

“I met this girl on Tinder, and it was going really well for about six months,” said Tinder user Matt Baker, describing a match he made before the update. “But then, I finally heard her sneeze for the first time, and it was really gross and loud. I wish I had known she was a loud sneezer earlier, then I wouldn’t have ever gone out with her.”

The new update also allows you to exclude anyone from your feed if they have certain traits that you do not care for. For example, you can now choose to block any users who are allergic to avocados, or call themselves “foodies.”

Analytics show that these new features have been very popular among users. Although, with these new personality descriptions, the amount of “likes” and “matches” have decreased by staggering amounts.

“I am definitely not getting as many matches as I used to,” noted Morgan Stern, also an active Tinder user. “I think it may be because of my personality filters. I only want Jewish, Democratic pescatarians who like Fleetwood Mac to show up on my feed. Oh, also, I don’t want people who snort when they laugh. Or people who call themselves ‘cinephiles.’”

With these new features, Tinder is hoping to maintain its spot as the most popular dating app in the country.

“My only worry is the possibility of too much transparency among users,” Blatt stated. “As of now, there’s something to dislike about everyone right away. Usually one gradually learns to dislike their partners.”