Post-Racism Scandal: Starbucks to Permanently Change Bathroom Code to N-Word In Effort to Stop Discriminating Against Black People

by SONALI BEHER
Published: May 5, 2018
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Courtesy of Elizabeth Bernbaum

SEATTLE – At a press conference on Tuesday, Starbucks CEO Kevin Johnson announced that the coffee chain will permanently change its bathroom entry codes to the n-word in an attempt to end discriminatory practices leading to the denial of bathroom access for customers of color.

“That way, no one has to ask anyone for anything,” the CEO explained. “We tried to pick a word that African Americans often use, you know, to make it easier and more intuitive for them. So, in a way, this is like affirmative action.”

The decision follows two incidents that caught national attention, the most recent of which concerned a black man who was not given the entry code to a Starbucks bathroom, supposedly because he had not purchased anything. Shortly after, however, a Caucasian man was allowed access without having purchased anything either.

“We are very sorry, and that’s why we want to change,” Johnson went on. The idea of the new policy reportedly came from Seattle Starbucks employee Natalie Walker. As a fan of Childish Gambino,” Walker felt it appropriate to use the popular term in rap music to honor black culture, an area she has thoroughly explored: ”I’ve actually dated two black guys.”

Walker reportedly threw this idea around at the racial bias training hosted by the company on Monday as a response to the incident. “I know the training only took a day,” a spokesperson of the brand told reporters from The Fishwrapper shortly after, “But I’m confident that we sort of got rid of this whole ‘racism’ issue.”

The event’s program included a screening of the movie classic “Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner?” followed by a presentation titled “Guess Who’s Coming To Starbucks? Black People, and That’s Okay.”

Extra store credit was awarded to every employee who attended a lecture dealing with the question of “How Not To Freak Out When A Muslim Customer Leaves His Suspicious-Looking Backpack to Go to the Bathroom.”