Seattle Student Begins Move-Out Process 2 Months Early Rather Than Confronting Shitty Subletter

by ELIZABETH BERNBAUM
Published: July 23, 2018
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Created by Isabel Campisteguy, Courtesy of Walbergcarvahlo and Robin Higgins

UW sophomore Harley Jackson decided last Tuesday that rather than confront her exceptionally shitty subletting roommate about all of the ways in which that subletting roommate is truly, honest to god, so very terrible, Jackson made a firm decision to begin inconspicuously moving out of her apartment two months before her lease was up. Jackson cited jarring and unmuted 8 am guitar playing, painful 7 am cat predation, memorably unpleasant aroma, cat litter carpeting of the hardwood floors, absence of personal boundaries, questionable values, awkward advances, and a steady stream of characters flowing in and out of her shared room as a sample of the reasons for Jackson’s decision.

“Today, I’ll take my portion of the forks and spoons. Tomorrow, I’ll take the cups and glasses. I’ll save the bigger stuff like the couch and stereo for next month since they don’t fit in my car. I can try to take the waist-high garden of vintage, pastel-coated ceramic sunflower sculptures in the south, sun-facing kitchen nook tomorrow,” Jackson told a reporter from The Fishwrapper in describing her plan of action. “She’ll know something’s off, but she won’t remember what. It’s not like anybody remembers the kind of superfluous detail that is a complete set of mint- condition 1960s ceramic floral decor. Perfect. That and the collection of crystal base firestorm Murano blown glass ‘Partridge Among Sprouts’ and the KitchenAid Pasta Press Stand Mixer Attachment for macaroni-making will be some of the first to go.”

Jackson explains that she’s also organized four separate backpacking trips and three camping trips to minimize her time at the apartment before her lease is up. “I think I can swing it,” says Jackson. “I’m so close to being out.” She reports that her and her other roommates are taking shifts away from the home so as not to leave their memory-coated walls and few valuable items like the garden of vintage, pastel-coated ceramic sunflower sculptures in the south, sun-facing kitchen nook completely vulnerable to destruction. “There’s always someone here just in case. But, it’s getting emptier and emptier by the day – both in things and people. Soon, it’ll just be the subletter, her bin of unwashed clothes, the cat box, and four bare walls, bereft of any evidence of the two years of joys and pains in the lives they hosted. May we have the strength to continue on until that day comes.”