Senate Republicans Push New Legislation to the Floor: “Keep Our Women and Men Safe”

Published: October 12, 2018
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In the wake of Brett Kavanaugh’s tumultuous and painful confirmation hearings, Senate Republicans determined that they would allow the Violence Against Women Reauthorization Act expire this year. In its place, the majority, led by Orrin Hatch (R-UT) pushed to the floor new legislation entitled “Keep Our Women and Men Safe.”

The legislation re-allocates funds from the pool of money set aside for investigation and prosecution of violent crimes against women into a pool to be used to “help men and their families recover from the damage done after sexual violence-related smear campaigns.”

“This kind of stuff ruins people’s lives,” said Republican Senator Tom Tillis (R-NC) during debate on the Senate floor. “We can’t let this go on anymore.” Tillis was referring to the emotional and reputational devastation which men endure after they have been accused of sexual misconduct.

Another advocate for the bill, Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX), echoed Tillis’s sentiment during debate. “Watching Brett Kavanaugh’s mother’s pained face as she watched her son’s name being dragged through the mud was heart-wrenching. I don’t know how we can allow our women to continue feeling this pain — the pain of watching the men whom they love have their reputations destroyed.”

While the vote on the new bill will be close, pundits anticipate that it will pass, granted that the majority of the senate are white-haired individuals with penises dangling between their legs.