Solo Hiking Club has Record-Breaking 100% Turnout at First Event

by ZAC WEINER
Published: October 27, 2018
Article thumnail
Created by Isabel Campisteguy, Courtesy of Nick Sarebi, TheDigitalArtist via PixaBay and MagicDesk via PixaBay

Following the June 22 Singh v. Washington Trails Association case, freshman Zac Weiner launched a new club at UW aimed at restoring the students’ faith in the great outdoors. Weiner’s RSO, the “Solo Hiking Club,” is armed with a foolproof protocol for social interaction.

The procedure warns students to look at the ground at all times, outlining how students should appear as though they are watching out for roots, all the while focusing on the crucial task of avoiding eye contact at all costs. It also highlights the best ways to end small talk in a worst case scenario where a student may be forced to interact with another human being.

Weiner anticipated difficulty with club attendance after the WTA snafu, especially given that getting people to make the jump from signing up for a club and actually attending events has been a near-impossible feat for RSOs on campus anyway.

Reports have indicated that students go to incredible lengths to avoid meetings. Last Wednesday, sophomore Jain Ami spent an hour and a half cleaning goose shit off of her shoe to avoid going to Climbing Club. Last Thursday, Carl Maretti spent forty-five minutes watching C-SPAN “for school” to avoid going to an Amnesty International meeting, and just last Friday, Megan Kramer spent a full hour and twenty minutes cleaning out her Gmail inbox to avoid going to a JStreet meeting.

Yet, UW’s own Solo Hiking Club has done the impossible and achieved a 100% turn out for its first event. “People seem to be more inclined to put themselves out there when there is no one around to judge them,” Weiner explained to The Fishwrapper in a recent interview. “The absence of small talk, or any talking for that matter, seemed to make our member much more comfortable in the new environment.” The premise of the club is to get people out in nature, without fear of being sized up for their lack of athletic experience or social skills. “Everybody who came got along extremely well, and there were no moments of awkward eye contact or wishing I had stayed in bed. Everyone was happy just to get the fuck away from other people and enjoy some peace and quiet.”

In fact, the only sounds that could be heard were the footsteps of the club’s single member and the occasional rustling of tree branches overhead. “Sure, it's not a great way to meet people, but hey, neither is throwing a bunch of random people together and expecting them to bond over things they’ve never had an interest in.” Unfortunately, there are no more spots available on the club roster, but the president doesn’t seem too concerned. “Anybody can join the Solo Hiking Club, just not this one.”